Blamestrong

In his book Blamestorming, writer and coach Rob Kendalltackles classic conversational cul-de-sacs:

• The Tangle, where crossed wires lead to confusion
• The Big Argument, where a c turns into a row
• The Bad Place, where one gets mired
• The Lock Down, where feelings are withheld, negative conclusions drawn and talking stops.These are the warning signs to look for, says Kendall…
  • Blamestorming: when the conversation turns into criticism. Are you sounding self-righteous? Look out for language like ‘you always’.
  • Dominatricks: someone tries to dominate the conversation. Are you finishing each other’s sentences and not allowing for other opinions? Does the conversation feel competitive?
  • Mixed messages: one of you makes wrong assumptions and draws inaccurate conclusions.

  • Have a great conversation:

    • Really listen, don’t just prepare to speak.
    • Decide what your commitment is in the conversation, for example, to have an open and honest relationship. Notice your thoughts and feelings as it goes along, but base what you are saying on values instead.
    • Stop fixing people’s problems. Give space for the person to discuss what is happening for them and only give advice when invited to do so.
    • Strive for clarity.
    • Ask what people need and say what you need.   By Elizabeth heathcote.